Embracing the New Me

Ever since I developed chronic pain nine year ago, this has been my fear. To be completely raw and honest, this year has been the most painful year of my life. But that's been discussed; So many times. So here are my hew truths for my new life.

1. Love and embracing change.

I've struggled that I can't teach-which is such a huge part of my identity, and not being to physically able to what I use to do with friends and family. I LOVE people. I used to see people 4+ times a week for hours. Now I have to prep them. At first I pushed myself to be the "old me." When that wasn't possible, I felt so filled with shame and guilt I isolated.

But what I found out is that my real friends are loving, they're amazing, and they're not "expecting" anything but me. Just me. As is. That's humbling. And that's love. 

2. Embracing self-care

Self care is physically, mentally, psychologically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually beneficial to a` person. Self care is just that-care for yourself. Everyone's self care may look different, and may change over time. When a person isn't actively doing things to engage and better themselves things feel empty.

For me, I received a lot of the benefits listed above from being with people and from teaching. Imagine how devastated I was when I couldn't do those things? I crashed. So I've had to spend a lot of time, prayer, and reflection to find some new self care options for myself. 

It wasn't easy. Dealing with disabling pain, missing teaching, feeling alone, etc...It was hard. But here it is...I feel pretty vulnerable...But here's the new Emily's self care:

• Spending time with people I love-BUT putting my health first and being honest with my limits. And trying to not feel like a failure, because if it was reversed I wouldn't see them that way.
• Writing. :) I've been doing a lot of writing lately, and it's really stirred my soul. Not ready to share yet though.
• Blogging. When I became really depressed, for the first time in my life I didn't wear makeup. And I felt...free. 
  
• I'd always felt I needed it. Now that I've broken that myth, I can play with it just for fun, and introduce people to for the fun of it for THEMSELVES, not for ANYONE ELSE. More details to come. I'm super excited about it. :) :) :) 
• Growing closer to my faith and my God every day. 1st Peter 1:8-9.

And that's me. Well, the start of me. The start of my new life.

Favorite Drugstore Cosmetics

Though it's no secret that Sephora is my second home, there are a lot of amazing cosmetics you can buy at the drugstore that rival prestige brands. You don't have to spend a ton of money to find products that make you feel confident and beautiful and don't cost a fortune. I love the the thrill of finding a "dupe" for a prestige brand at Target or Walgreens. It just feels like you're winning!

When I'm shopping at Target, I like to look up reviews of the products I'm interested in because I don't have the luxury of trying on the makeup at the store. My favorite website is Makeup Alley.

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite drugstore makeup products that I've gone back to again and again!

Maybelline Shine Free Oil Control Pressed Powder

I teach. I talk and move around a lot. I get sweaty. This is the best pressed powder I've ever used. It's always with me in my mini makeup bag in my purse. A quick touch up between classes and I feel refreshed and ready to go. It also helps prevent mascara, liner, and eyeshadow from smearing underneath my eye.

Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Dark Circles

This stuff is seriously magic. It brightens up under my eyes. Somedays when I don't feel like putting on a full face of foundation I just use this under my eyes and as spot treatment/highlighting and I love how soft and natural I look. I have used prestige concealers before but this beats them all.

Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Primer

Smashbox is known for having the "best" primer on the market, but I've used it and I've used this drugstore brand, and in my opinion the Maybelline version is better, hands down. It's silicone based and makes my foundation, both liquid and powder, apply smoothly. 

Wet and Wild-Walking on Eggshells

If you go on Makeup Alley, this $3 eyeshadow trio gets higher reviews than the Urban Decay Naked palettes. The colors are gorgeous, pigmented, soft, easy to blend, and the perfect every day look. Wet and Wild has some of the cheapest makeup on the market. Some of it is hit or miss, but with huge hits like Walking on Eggshells, it is definitely worth checking out!

Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm

I love a good matte lip color, and Revlon's Colorburst Matte Balms are similar to Tarte's and Clinique's lip products. They have a slightly minty taste, are non-drying, and stay on for a decent amount of time.

NYX Milk Jumbo Eye Pencil

This product is so popular it is often sold out. I use it has an eyeshadow base to brighten the colors and lengthen wear time, and also as an inner eye highlight. Somedays when I'm in a rush I've just used this pencil as an inner eye highlight with mascara and it's such a beautiful and brightening look!

NYX Matte Lipstick Perfect Red

It's no secret I love a classic matte red lip. NYX makeup is some of the most inexpensive you can find at the drugstore, but that doesn't mean their quality isn't good! Their Perfect Red lipstick is one of my favorite. It is such a beautiful old-school Hollywood red lip that is a true matte, lasts for hours, and doesn't bleed or budge.

So there you have it! Those are just a few of some of the great cosmetics you can get at Target/Walmart/Walgreens/CVS. What are some of your favorite budget beauty brands?

My Makeup Collection....So far...

Just for funsies! The middle school girls wanted pics.

Organization

Foundations. Airbrush kit, liquid, mineral, pressed powder, and concealer for my skin tone. Two foundation palettes, one cream based and one pressed powder, that can be used for clients.

Main personal blushes, bronzers, and highlighters. Eyebrow pencil and mascara and setting spray.

Professional makeup brushes, and collection of miscellaneous personal brushes.

Top-Mascaras and eyeshadow primers. Middle-Eyeliners-pencil, liquid, and gel. Bottom-Single eyeshadows and two smaller eyeshadow sets. Some eyeshadows are cream and some are powder.

Urban Decay Naked 2, Naked 3, Naked 1, Naked Smoky, Lorac Mega Pro Palette, Lorac Pro Palette Two

Left Side Top to Bottom-Urban Decay Vice 3, Urban Decay Electric Palette, Smashbox Master Class Palette 3 (It's the entire bottom of the the rows. It's a book with two sides. The palette contains eyeshadows, blushes, a bronzer, a contouring color, a highlighter, and tutorial pages.)
Right Side-Urban Decay Vice 2

Lipsticks

e.l.f. 144 Bright Eyeshadow Palette 

e.l.f. 141 piece Master Makeup Collection. Contains eyeshadows, lip glosses, blushes, concealer, shimmer highlighters, bronzers, and brushes. (I had to take pictures of each section because the palette contains so much product and and opens up so wide it'd difficult to capture in one picture.)

e.l.f. 83 piece Essential Makeup Collection. Contains eyeshadows, blushes, bronzers, lip glosses, and brushes. 

e.l.f. 27 piece Essential Makeup Collection. Contains eyeshadows, one cream eyeshadow, blush, bronzer, lip glosses, eyebrow powder, eyeliner pencil, and brushes.

Coastal Scent's 120 Eyeshadow Palette One. I just ordered this to use  as part of my prestige vs. drugstore cosmetic piece. 

Due to my anxiety, at this point I would feel the need to justify why I have so much makeup, and probably make fun of myself, and just feel guilty. But I am going to reject those feelings. I like buying makeup. I don't wear it because I feel like I NEED it or that I'm not good enough without it. I wear it because it's fun and it makes me happy to be creative and read and write about it and play with it. I like that I am pursuing my passion because that's what I encourage my kids to do. I like that I've invested in different makeup that will work for people with different skin tones and textures than mine. My heart is bursting with excitement that I get to have an after school club that won't just be about makeovers, but will also cover body image, self care, confidence, pursuing dreams, and just being a safe place for young women to discover who they are. I am finding a lot of joy in what I am doing, and I am going to embrace that and refuse to take on the negative self-talk we've all been conditioned to hear and speak. And I'm gonna end my positive self-talk with a pretty stylin' Emily foreshadowing her fashion passion before her time.

Battle of Prestige vs Drugstore Makeup-Take One!

Today during summer school I had a group of 7th and 8th grade girls sitting around me talking about makeup and asking me questions. They were so excited at the prospect of having the after-school club during the school year! During our activity session the girls created their own makeup looks.

A lot of their eye looks were gorgeous and colorful! I mentioned it reminded me of my Urban Decay Electric Palette, and the room exploded with excitement! Most of the girls knew about the product but couldn't afford it.

Swatches from http://llewsoba.com/2014/04/01/review-urban-decay-electric-pressed-pigment-palette/

The Electric Palette is amazing. The colors are crazy bright and true to pan, blend easily, and last all day. But what about people who don't want to, or can't, shell out $49 for 10 colors?

For this experiment, I purchased e.l.f.'s Eyeshadow Palette-144 Piece-Bright. Online it's $15, but I've found it on sale at Target and on the e.l.f. website.

Holy colors, Batman!

I had this in the past and remember loving it! How can you not? It's just fun! I'm not going to swatch the colors, because swatching 144 colors would take fooooooorrrrreeeeevvvvvvveeeeeerrrrrr.

Tomorrow, I am going to attempt to do a bright eye look inspired by the Electric Palette. I'll use the Electric Palette for one eye, and the e.l.f. Palette for the other eye. I'll play around with primers and bases to help enhance color payoff.

I'm excited to do my first makeup showdown!

Plans and Beautiful Beauties Needed (Yeah, you!)

I love makeup.

Trust-this isn't even all of it. Each drawer is organized by product. Next to the container are four extra large makeup artist palettes ideal for putting together an entire look without having to lug around my shelving. I also have an airbrush machine.

I am so excited for this blog. I've been studying other beauty blogs, and I've come up with some features I'd like to do. Let me know what you think!

1. Makeup reviews
2. Tutorials for makeup looks
3. Finding drugstore dupes for prestige products.
4. Having guests! This one I'm excited about! I would love to have people share their makeup routines, fave products, or even do makeovers on one another.

That's what I've got so far. I'd love to hear your ideas!

Going Deeper-Past the Makeup-Why I'm Doing This-My Story

If you haven't caught on yet, I love makeup. Take it away, Ariel, my favorite childhood Disney Princess:

I can happily spend an afternoon applying and reapplying various makeup looks, watching YouTube reviews and tutorials, read beauty blogs, and plan my next big beauty binges.

I started this blog for a couple of reasons.

 #1-I always wanted to be involved with cosmetics in some way, and going the self-taught route gives me flexibility with my full time job. 

#2-I always wanted to write in some capacity, and now I'm reading and writing on a daily basis, which I think only enhances my passion for being a language arts teacher.

#3-This reason isn't as well-known, except for close friends and family. I feel like sharing it though because I hope that being authentic about my life will in some way help others feel not alone or find ways to take steps towards healing.

This past year was the hardest year of my life. I struggled with deep depression and debilitating anxiety. I feel lucky that I am surrounded by friends and family who never judged me when I sought support for my depression and anxiety.  I had struggled with them in the past, but the events of the year made it feel impossible to get better. My grandma, my pocket-sized grandma, my best friend, passed away. I felt like a part of my soul and heart broke that day. Even now writing this I am crying. Words cannot express the depth of love I have for her.

Cause honey your soul, will never grow old, it's evergreen

My grief was compounded with the worsening of my chronic migraine headaches. ( Brief history: I started getting migraine headaches eight years ago in college. I ended up being hospitalized and had to take a semester off of college. Ken and I had only been dating a couple of months when it all happened, but he stood by my side and drove up to the cities every weekend as I worked with countless neurologists, physical therapists, chiropractors, you name it, to stabilize myself enough to go back to college. Since then it's been a roller coaster of highs and lows, good years and bad.)

Back during one of his weekend visits.

My migraines were out of control. For months they were on a daily basis. I ended up in the ER eight times one month. Every morning I woke up filled with anxiety over how bad it would be. If I physically couldn't teach because I was having muscle spasms and vomiting, I had panic attacks about being a bad teacher and being judged by my coworkers and missing my students whom I loved. I could rarely make social events due to the chronic pain. I feared my friends would get sick of me and my cancellations. I just felt broken. I remember going down to see my best friends and bursting into tears in a restaurant and telling them that I felt like a ghost. That life was happening and I was just moving through it, barely there. I was losing hope for what my quality of life was going to look like,

But slowly, and oh it felt so very slow, I found myself again. I am not the same person I was when the year started. I have emotional scars. But I have learned some things:

1. I have a heart for those who suffer. I hope God can use what I had to go through to show love and empathy and compassion to those that are suffering.
2. I know I am strong. I am not the same person, but I can look at the pain and the emotional scars and see where I am now and feel proud of how hard I fought to get there.
3. Self-care is so important. That's why I started this blog. It's fun. It makes me happy. There's a chance I'll get to have an after school club for that works on self-esteem, body image, self-care, and, when they found out about my blog and interests, possibly doing fun beauty stuff! I have such a heart for middle schoolers, and I am especially passionate about working with young people about how to treat themselves with kindness. This kind of club would be a dream come true!
4. I have the best support system. Ken, my best friends, my family, and my faith. 
5. It's okay to be real.

I know this was a rather long and rather off-topic post for a make-up themed blog, but when I started to write about why I started this project, the words flowed from my fingertips. This blog is about my love of makeup and fun, but it's also about doing self-care, finding joy, and sharing my story with you. Thanks for taking the time to read my story and allowing me to show my authentic self.

Sidebar-If you are interested in gaining a better, more compassinate understanding about what it's like to live with depression and anxiety, I think these two websites are a nice place to start. They're simple yet powerful.

Anxiety
13 Graphs That Will Speak to You if You Suffer from Anxiety

Depression
13 Graphs Anyone Who's Ever Been Will Understand

Coming Soon-The Best Makeup for Acne Prone Skin

Growing up I went to the dermatologist once or twice for mild acne, but in general I didn't struggle with it. For me, I've picked makeup based on looks, coverage, styles, etc...

I met Joe, my husband's best friend from both the Marine Corps and college, back when Ken and I got married. He is freaking hilarious. He is one of those guys that you meet and automatically feel like you've known him forever. He's just a solid guy.

Joe contacted me after I started this blog. He is now successfully working as a dermatology PA. (I hope to interview Joe in my next blog to provide his medical insights into skin care and have him share more about his expertise and background in the skin care field.)

The reason Joe contacted me is because he deals with many clients that struggle to find cosmetics that don't exacerbate cystic acne or clog pores. The three brands he recommended were:

• glo Minerals 
• Jane Iredale
• Colorscience

(I ordered the top-rated foundations from each brand. I will be testing them out and giving reviews based on coverage, color, longevity, and feel. I purchased all my products from Derm Store because of the free shipping, free returns, free samples, and the fact that they sell many other makeup products for you makeup addicts.)

Joe, thank you for taking an interesting in my blog, for providing medical insight, and just being a stand-up guy! Follow-up blog coming soon! :)

Six years ago?!? We need to all get together!